Puzzle 1

[eightlazylegs]

[ACTION]

[There is an octopus sitting in the town fountain. He's white as the inside of a clamshell, curled up in the smallest corner he can find. It takes him a few minutes to trust the world enough to cautiously slip up to the surface and crawl out of the water. His new wings flick away droplets of water, causing him to shuffle around to get a glimpse of what's attached itself to him.]

What?

[It's bone and muscle and feathers, and it's none of the things an octopus should have. A delicate tug indicates they can't just be yanked off. Hermes spits out a jet of water and turns back to see where he is.]

...what.

[This is not Chicago. It's not even the parkish bits of Chicago that he's seen out of car windows. This is all wrong. Hermes switches from nervous white to irritated yellow, his tentacles curling.] What. Where? What? What?! [Where is his apartment? What put him here? What is with the wings? What what what what.]

[VIDEO]

[Hermes has chilled out and returned to a comfortable woodsy brown. He's sitting on the rim of a filled bathtub, with the screen propped up on the lid of the toilet.]

Have apartment, but apartment insufficient for octopus. Furniture and movers required. First requirement: tank. [He moves his tentacles to indicate a rectangle shape.] Large fishtank. Also hose and pump for emptying and refilling. Bathtub leaks out drain, is located inconveniently.

[Hermes gestures to himself. If one compares him to the tub for a sense of scale, it's obvious that he's only a foot high.] Cannot carry by myself. Food, toys, also need in future, but tank is largest. Will trade goods or services for tank and tank-moving. Make offer.

Comments

[eightlazylegs]

Can cut.

[Hermes leans in, trying to see what this new human is. The dreadlocks remind him of his owner.] Look like Boss. Are pothead? Have no pot but can get maybe.

oiehslknset THAT ICON HOW DAPPER

[all7seas]

Pot? [He is not familiar with this terminology, Octopus.] Oh, I bet you can get lots of things. But I want things what are much more shinier than pots.

[eightlazylegs]

[It's true, pot isn't shiny at all. Hermes has never seen the appeal and the stuff does reek. He crawls closer to the screen, skin turning soft purple.]

What want?

[all7seas]

What a ghoulish shade you're turning. [Let's focus on this for a sec.] How many other colors you got in there, fishy?

[eightlazylegs]

All of them. [He tilts to the side, contemplative, as he idly breaks out in burgundy.] Metachrosis.

[all7seas]

Metawhatsits. I like it. Right. Not certain I can get hold of a tank at this hour, mate; but, were I to bring you some sort of rudimentary bucket with all solemn promises and assurances of a proper tank in future, would that suit?


Could include a toy or two in the bargain. That is -- if you'd be willing to join me crew.

[eightlazylegs]

[He shakes one tentacle at the screen. No, no.] Have bathtub. Require superior to bathtub.

Toys also good.

[all7seas]

Yes, yes yes yes! All in good time! Now: what sorts of toys, eh?

[eightlazylegs]

[He curls several tentacles around each other.] Tactile things. Secret compartments, nail puzzles, squishy balls, Mr. Potato Head.

Rubix cube, do not have one from apartment.

[all7seas]

......Squishy balls.

[Yeah okay no. But....Secret compartments....Jack liked the way this cephalopod was thinking.]

Right. One Potato Head and one devilishly tricksome Cube shall be yours. Where are you?

[eightlazylegs]

Building 2, apartment five. [He hadn't had a Mr. Potato Head in months. Joyous day.]

[all7seas]

[When Jack shows up, sadly, it's with something a bit different. He knocks on the door and then simply walks in.]

Oi! Octo-lad! They only had a Mrs. Potato Head, sadly. And isn't she just ready for a day out on the town, spending all of her Mister's potato-money?

[eightlazylegs]

Give.

[Says a voice from the bathroom. There's a plop as he hits the floor and a series of very soft squelching noises as he starts walking out to see what he's been brought. Yes, wonderful Potato Heads with their pegs and interchangable pieces and food-hiding bodies...]

[all7seas]

Now now now, hold on! First off you've got to take a marauding oath, lad! And that's not to be taken lightly!



Hold up as many legs as possible and repeat after myself!

[eightlazylegs]

No.

[He wriggles closer, one tentacle up and reaching for whatever it is that Jack's holding. He can't quite see it but it's a Potato Head so he doesn't feel it's necessary.] Give toy.

[all7seas]

No! [The pirate tries to hold it out of reach, which probably isn't that hard considering Hermes's size.] First you take oath! THEN I give toy! Maybe!

[eightlazylegs]

Give toy or get ink. [Because fuck your oaths. The only obligation Hermes has ever given was a credit card number, and it wasn't even his credit card.]

Am not even legal status.

[all7seas]

Get ink? [Jack isn't QUITE making the connection, yet.] Very Jones-ish thing to do, that. Just like a Welshman.

[STILL NOT GIVING TOY, HERMES.]

[eightlazylegs]

[Welsh? He is a proud American octopus, thank you.]

Ink. Dark black, stains badly. Will put on your shoes.

[He doesn't want to deploy it and get the house messy just yet.] Toy, then oath. Do not care about talking.

[all7seas]

[Does Jack trust this octopus? No. But he knows his price, now. And he really isn't interested in getting ink on his boots.

The pirate hands over the potato head.]

Very well. She's yours, lad -- conditionally. That condition bein' you helping me to swipe shiny things from the unsuspecting, savvy?

[eightlazylegs]

[The toy is snatched away from Jack's fingers and encased tightly in eight delighted tentacles.] Mhm.

[Whatever. POTATO HEAD OMG. Hermes' skin ripples in shifting dull rainbows as he pulls the face-pieces from their holes and removes the back so he can snuggle half of himself inside it.]

[all7seas]

.............You're sitting in her.

[eightlazylegs]

Cannot fit all the way. Wings can't squish. [The voice is muffled inside the plastic. The tips of his tentacles press into the little holes on the toy's face.]

[all7seas]

[It's like Mrs Potato Head was suddenly possessed by some kind of creepy alien. Scary.]

Would a larger potato suit....?

[eightlazylegs]

Wings do not squish right. Have bones and muscles. [Now it looks like someone made a luceti-exclusive potato, there's just the wings peeking out.]